ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
