I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
