don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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