my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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