I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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