pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
