i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
