We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
