For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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