Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
