when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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