youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
