I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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