you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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