I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
