I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
