You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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