he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
