I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
