i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
