This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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