Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
