My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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