Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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