Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
