if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
