Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone came in the potted fern
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
