I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
