Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
