so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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