i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
