i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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