i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
