My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
