remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
