so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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