remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
