come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
