I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
