So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
