So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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