Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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