She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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