return my video game
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
