On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
