You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
