Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
