now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We left the knife in your bed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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