so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
