i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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