I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
