let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
