i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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