Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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