he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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