Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
