so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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